Rildie
"I put a lot of pressure on myself when I’m reading. I feel like I have to perform."
“My relationship with books has changed over the past couple of years. My family is French speaking, and I struggle speaking it. Growing up, the words grew harder and harder to pronounce, so did the feeling of being judged, and the pressure to speak it completely. Although I understand the language and can read it, I don’t speak it well. This year I’ve been challenging myself to read more non-fiction books to learn how to speak French again. I found this book, Short Stories in French, at the public library. I’m about five stories in, and it’s getting harder. There are a lot of words that I don’t know, and I find myself sitting there self-conscious that I have to check the word bank. But I am learning! Like, why am I giving myself such a hard time and having this inner dialogue that I’m having? I put a lot of pressure on myself when I’m reading. I feel like I have to perform. But the goal is to learn and find joy in doing so. It feels silly, but recently I got excited thinking about books I used to read as kid. I made a mental note that I don’t need an assignment to read a book. The point is for me to enjoy and learn whatever I can. That’s the whole point.”
This post is part of my series People Read Books: Real People, Real Stories on Life and Literature. Follow along for more conversations from people I meet by subscribing free to my Substack.
